MindMuse

Feelings😏

January 22, 2022January 23, 2022 MindMuser MD

feel·ing

/ˈfēliNG/

Learn to pronounce

noun

plural noun: feelings

1. 1.
an emotional state or reaction.”a feeling of joy”

I write these blogs from my feelings , heck a lot of my work as a psychiatrist is about understanding feelings , so how come it is not so easy for me to write ABOUT feelings ?

Perhaps this is because FEELINGS can be sooo subjective. NO one really is an expert on another person’s FEELINGS because it is so personal, so subjective. You have YOUR FEELINGS and I have MINE… both are valid and demand respect.

When a patient is telling me how they FEEL in a therapeutic session, they are granting me special access to their psyche, in hopes that I can be helpful to them . To me , this feels both honorable and humbling at the same time.

I am well trained to do this type of work however I do have to work really hard to try to understand WHAT and HOW my patients are FEELING. This is because they are only granting me temporary access to a very personal space, to their very personal property- THEIR FEELINGS.

Scientific data support that animals have the ability to feel , however we humans are the only known species thought to have the ability to “ think” about our FEELINGS. This is a form of introspection. Lucky Us right?

Well not so fast , you see this amaze ability we’ve been given also comes with challenges. Think about it, since we can think about feelings, then we may easily be expected to “understand “ not only our own FEELINGS well but the feelings of those around us, perhaps even our pets . I mean why not , right?

Well the problem with this “tall order “is that we are generally not great at understanding even our own FEELINGS let alone those of others in our lives.

Can you guess what we’re feeling here?lol

Nonetheless, FEELINGS are a vital piece of our communicative ability . We need to not only be able to express our FEELINGS but also try to recognize those of the people around us. We typically do this by observation of behavior, affect and ofcourse expressive language. Sharing and understanding FEELINGS seems harder and harder for us to do in this technologically advanced, face mask wearing , Instagram posting , pandemic life we are all currently living.”’.

No wonder emojis and GIFs exists to help us out 🤪

It is wonderful to have the ability to express our feelings safely and hopefully without judgement. You see, because feelings are “ like visitors, they come and go”. Having the terminology to express how we are feeling at any point is extremely valuable. It allows others to “ hear “and “see” us more clearly.

There is also an inter connection between our FEELINGS, our thoughts and then our behaviors.

Feeling like Blues Hockey Stanley Cup Champions!

FEELINGS also have a way of surprising us at times. They seem to have a “ mind” of their own, showing up at unexpected times such as , a stronger than expected reaction to a situation, tearfulness at a romantic movie or a nostalgic music, the thrill of the physical touch of our loved ones, fearfulness triggered by specific phobia, or even guilt and self loathing of our own self.. ouch!. Our feelings can sometimes illuminate parts of our psyche that we may not be ready to uncover yet, for better or for worse.

To get to be better at understanding FEELINGS, we must first pay attention and welcome feelings . This is not an easy task, you see , because FEELINGS can be varied and complex. Some FEELINGS are beautifully intoxicating like LOVE , some exhilarating like a thrill of adventure , some are frustration when you discover for example that your middle seat on the plane doesn’t work to do that very tiny recline thing to bring you comfort (ugh!) while others can be pain staking such as GRIEF and PAIN.

It is no wonder , most people prefer to sweep both theirs and others’ FEELINGS aside due to the complicated nature of FEELINGS. It can feel like a Pandora box that we rather not to open , least this exploration unleashes DRAMA!

In reality, not acknowledging FEELINGS does not make them to seize to exist. ALL FEELINGS , good or bad, are valuable and can teach us more about ourselves and the world around us, IF we let it. Beauty and growth can be on the other side of adversity or even those negative FEELINGS.

It is important that we validate our feelings, even when we cannot find the words to describe those feelings. We should honor our feelings and those of the people around us.

Practice getting comfortable with FEELINGs.. the next time you casually ask someone , “how are you?” , it may be worthwhile to actually give space to receive their response, instead of rushing away without knowing how they really are FEELING.

We can get better at embracing FEELINGS without judgment. Can you imagine a world where humans actually cared about how each other were FEELING? Geez, that almost sounds utopian.

The practice of mindfulness and meditations may be helpful in embracing FEELINGS in an nonjudgmental manner . Although this may not come easy to us at first , remember like most things in life … Practice yields Progress !

My dear reader, it is my wish for you , that you find value in your own feelings and the feelings of those around you, and may this wonderful gift be also returned to you DOUBLE FOLDS!💕

As always, thank you for reading my musings on this blog and of course I welcome your comments and any shared experiences . Please feel free to also “follow” so you can get notifications on future blog posts💕

Temples around Kyoto

March 27, 2023March 27, 2023 MindMuser MD

Our fifth day in Japan found us waking up for a second morning in beautiful Kyoto.

DH and I woke up at 5:30 am to ride our bikes to a temple about 10-15 mins away from our ABNB into the mountains of Kyoto.

A dear friend had recently visited Japan and recommended we check out this temple that held prayer services at 6am by Shinto (?)monks.

While it wasn’t the easiest having to leave my warm bed so early on our final day in the city of Kyoto, DH and I managed to get out the door by 5:45am . We left our daughters to sleep in( teens and preteens absolutely need theirs 😴 while our sons were still traveling with their school trip group.

As we step out of our door from the quaint home we were renting on the Arcade area, we are greeted by a most beautiful morning. The city was barely awake. The spring temperatures was refreshing , unlike yesterday when it literally rained all day long, there is no rain in the forecast today…yay!

We rode down a main road punctuated every now and then with the most cherry blossoms striking their beautiful poses amidst the sky lines.

Friendly Temple sweeper early in the morning

My leg muscles and cardiovascular system was warming up fast and getting a serious work out , as we rode our bikes up those mountains. I’m trailing behind DH, as usual, and I’m close to panting for more breath.

This exertion is a good reminder for me to keep up my physical fitness, if I plan to keep being able to visit and see wonderful parts of this amazing world.

Anyways , we make it up those daunting mountainous roads through quiet neighborhood, while hardly seeing people on the road.

DH is diligently following his google map directions and I’m doing my best to just keep up .

Finally we arrive at this ancient temple built in 400AD era, and it’s intimidating with its’ charm, architectures and peacefulness.

We were the only humans in sight. There were no prayer ceremonies going on, at least not today. There are many signs posted around , except there were mostly all in Japanese sanscript, so not too helpful to us.. oh well.

DH is in his exploration haven, he seems bold as he leads the way wondering around this ancient temple grounds, as if he’d been there many times before.

My cautious African self is wondering if we REALLY are welcome to be wondering about these parts so freely, but I keep following behind DH.

It looked like we literally had the entire place to ourselves, except from the rooster busy with his wake up calls and a bird that sang out so beautifully, so boldly.

There were signs that shrine worshippers visited often, papers inscribed with prayers hanging on shrine walls, offerings made to the shrine gods, and a parked Toyota van that perhaps belonging to a temple worker.

Finally , I settled in more after several minutes of walking around and seeing beautiful reminders of peace and tranquillity. If morning had a sound of nothingness, then this was it.

Breathing in the freshness of this morning, I surrender to the creator of the day. I was no longer worried that I was intruding on another’s place, instead I started to feel like I too belonged to this place, to this morning. I was no longer afraid and questioning.

I was feeling more at home with the sounds of the mountains, although I couldn’t tell what bird or insect or animal each sound belonged to.

It no longer mattered now, I was just appreciating that that we were all there together this very morning.

In that moment , there was only one thing left to do, just BE in the moment. So I did. I found a stone bench , propped up my legs and began to attempt a meditation.

It was mostly a time for me to breathe in all the gratitude in the air around me. Grateful that I get to be in this place , at this time , with my DH, grateful for my family , for my friends, and for all the many reasons to be thankful for the life that I do have !

I hope and pray that you too can look around and breathe in some reasons to be grateful.

As always, thank you for reading my blog and of course I welcome your comments and any shared experiences .

Click on the “follow” icon, so you can get notifications on future blog posts via email and not miss out !💕

Enchanted Japan💕

March 27, 2023March 27, 2023 MindMuser MD

On our recent trip to Japan , DH described this country as enchanted, and I couldn’t have agreed more. Except for a brief layover in an airport in Osaka many many years ago, while our way to Bali for our honeymoon, we had never visited Japan.

Therefore when our 7 th graders had an opportunity for a spring break Apoogee ** school trip that could include parents, we were being excited to sign up to travel with them.

First we had to figure out the affordability for our family of six as well as the logistics of tagging along with our twins boys, but this 15 hrs trip made sense for our family for so many reasons!

We also have our amazing niece/god daughter who has been living in Tokyo whom we’ve talked about wanting to visit for soo long now . I’m addition, we as a family had also entertained the idea of hiking Mount Fuji.. I mean why stop at just Mount Kilimanjaro right?😉

Upon landing in Haneida airport in Tokyo , we meet up with our lovely family friends who were traveling on a similar itinerary as us, their young son also traveling with the Ladue Apogee class trip. The first things I observed was how efficiently we moved through customs, picked up our luggage and off we were, trying to navigate the JR train system all on our own. Travel instructions were mostly in Japanese writing (Konchi), and while there were signs in English, they seemed to be in the minority, so you had to pay very close attention reading maps /signs or you missed out.

This idea of needing to pay attention is not uncommon when you travel to a new place, but somehow with the very fast pace of Tokyo’s busy metropolitan’s city with its countless trains, bullet trains,subways, buses running so efficiently on a tight time schedule ~we really needed to pay attention or risk getting lost on this huge city of close to 30 million people.

I literally give my DH, all the travel credit , on this trip as usual , he had done so much research and pre planning to ensure that our ten days of traveling through Japan was smooth as possible. Our daughters and I had the best time exploring foods ( thanks to recs from our niece/god daughter guide extraordinaire who was quiet fluent in Japanese already), there were cousins and friend times, lots of matcha flavored ice cream and drinks, local snacks from seven eleven on every corner, and we even found Starbucks and McDonald’s there too !

We traveled in mid/late March, with a stroke of good fortune and fate , found ourselves right on the middle of the blooming of the beautiful cherry blossom season! Okay, that was just pure lucky as we could not have planned THAT!

Adaeze and others admiring the cherry blossoms

DH , our two daughters and myself travelled together , while our twin sons travelled and explored with their class travel group . There trip was organized by a tour company EFJ, that included a well planned itinerary , lodging and accommodations as well as a local Japanese guide. We would meet up with their travel group ecru once in a while for dinner or to visit a temple together or just for a hug and a picture! This felt bold,to give our 13 yr old sons’s independence in another country,while being just a text or call away. The teachers and parents that travelled and stayed with the group were all so wonderful, keeping us in the loop as much as possible , amidst wifi woes at times lol.

Early morning bike ride on the Philosopher’s path in Kyoto

We visited several cities in Japan , mostly following along our sons’ itineraries while improvising our own plans here and there. There was A LOT of walking so make sure to pack comfortable shoes . We stayed at nearby ArNBs and hotels except for one night that we shared the same hotel as our sons in the town of Kawaguchi while visiting Mount Fuji.

Experiencing the beauty of this country is incredible, from the intimidating snow capped mountains of Fuji to the beautiful island of Mayijima with its floating Torrin temple gates, numerous beautiful temples and shrines,and the in between cities of Kyoto with its classy charm, the sophistication of Tokyo with its art museums and sharply dressed women and “salaried men” to the sobering city of Hiroshima – Japan had it all to offer an inquisitive tourist!

Beyond the beautiful landscapes of this country, I believe I was intrigued the most by its people and culture. I had SO many questions.. how do they manage to keep the peace around them ? Is this really a NO gun society ?wow! Everyone seemed to simultaneously mind their own business while also showing respect to eachother! How are there hardly any trash cans and yet the streets and the train stations were SO clean?!, where were their homeless population? And how is everyone seem to be so nicely dressed, appearing to have purpose with something to do/ somewhere to go?, how are they so quiet on massively crowded buses and trains? Why do you not even smell people standing so close to you, armpits raised to hold on to poles for stability on those crowed moving trains?

I also wondered a lot about how efficient the Japanese technology appeared to be, warm toilet seats, with badoe , even in public places?!😳, bathroom so compact and efficient , random anti fog mirrors in hotel bathrooms( this was such a champion!, I mean who really wants to get out of shower , only to view their reflection in a cloudy mirror? Yes sometimes those bathroom fans just don’t cut it I’m sorry lol.

I also noticed that while I still needed to pay attention in order not to miss bullet trains which ran so precisely on time, by the seconds even! As the days went on, I became even more and more relaxed .

I was not worried about my safety in Japan. Our brilliant god daughter’s apt explanation that Japan allows for creative thinking because your fight or flight nervous system is not always activated, trying to ensure your safety. This felt absolutely true to me, it was much easier to be in the present in the moments, here in Japan.

Ultimately, this turned out to be a trip of a lifetime. I keep telling my DH that he really has a natural calling to travel planning if he ever gets tired of being a shrink lol

In all seriousness , I would love to return to Japan again very soon, not only for the amazing foods, sights and shopping. I would return for the peace and tranquility of this place. Amidst the bustling cities, visiting beautiful temples tucked in along lovely hikes and trials provided me with much needed quiet.

As always, thank you for reading my blog and of course I welcome your comments and any shared experiences .

Click on the “follow” icon, so you can get notifications on future blog posts via email and not miss out !💕

** DH ( darling husband)

**Apogee ( gifted class name at Ladue Middle School)

Hope in Ballots

March 11, 2023March 12, 2023 MindMuser MD

Hope is the engine for tomorrow.

Hope allows us to create visions for our future.

On Feb 25th 2023, my home country Nigeria , the giant of Africa, held elections to determine its’ future.

This was the most anticipated election of our time, as millions had their hopes for a better future hanging in the balance.

The youth poured into the streets , to those voting polls to cast their hopes for their future into ballots.

The older generation also went to have their voices count , in the form of votes.

There were MANY deterrents that day, such as long lines that took some literally all day to vote, rain that interrupted these lines, dust storms that choose to dance and scatter INEC polling stations, sun and heat that made voters question their resolve to continue to wait in the hot sun.

Through it all, Nigerians waited patiently to cast their votes. Many were voting for the first time in their lives. Some who had started in the lines early that morning with the sunrise , could not cast their votes until the sun was down from the sky.

Finally the votes were cast. The ballots were collected , and we waited.

Nigerians at home and those in the diaspora, waited on pins and needles for the election results.

Then the silence was deafening. Days after such a hugely anticipated election, and no results ??

I was in Mexico with my American in laws and they would ask me “ any news from Nigeria?”, and I had nothing . Crickets.

This was unusual and very much unlike American elections where projections are typically displayed on TV, literally at all hours following elections.

But this was different..

I too waited , then I called family at home in Nigeria .. they too had nothing .

We were ALL waiting.

Then on March 1st, while people were asleep , the INEC * reported a winner, shocking the whole world.

This was NOT what the youth of Nigeria expected. To have their hopes dashed by reports of corruption and inappropriate handling of election ballots. To hear of many cases of election interference in the forms of violence at election polls, voter intimidation , mismanagement of the ballot counting with faulty machines that could not “ upload” election results and outright election fraud.

This was NOT what we had hoped for as we anticipated and dreamed of a new Nigeria, all those months ago.

Those ballots promised us of a new Nigeria, one with less corruption.

Now those ballots threatened to take away HOPE from us and for our future generations.

We will not let it. We must hang on , even if with the tips of our fingernails to hope for Justice.

Hope now for Justice to challenge the recent electoral process.

Now more than ever , we need HOPE for our beloved country Nigeria!

I will continue to HOPE

As always, thank you for reading my blog and of course I welcome your comments and any shared experiences .

Click on the “follow” icon, so you can get notifications on future blog posts via email and not miss out !💕

***Independent National Election commission.

Duckie Drama

February 5, 2023February 6, 2023 MindMuser MD

We have an adventurous family with lots of travel interest.

White water rafting on the salmon river in the wilderness of Idaho during the hot summer month of July 2021.

This was during the pandemic and a 5 days river trip vacation seemed like a reasonable idea.

You see we had had a great time floating down the Colorado river the previous summer with our extended family, so this time we invited several family friends to float down the Idaho salmon river with us.

Our traveling crew consisted of at least 6 different families , some were life long friends while others just met for the first time the morning we set out on our on River trip. Everyone was wonderful.

In fact there are so many stories to tell you about this trip however I will focus on one particular floating day .

We had river guides who were truly shepherding us and keeping us safe while we enjoyed the adventures on the river.

There was an inflatable raft called the “ Duckie” that was an option for any takers to raft down the river . I asked DH if he would ride with me and he gladly accepted ( ofcourse not before making sure that no other takers who wanted a turn to float down on this particular Duckie)

Our kids stayed on more sturdy rafts with family friends and were having a blast . Some of the moms were either on other rafts or on the bigger boat calmly enjoying the warm breeze and nature with a cold beverage…. Smart😉

I choose more adventure ,so off DH and I went on this “Duckie” . I sat in the front providing the “ power” while DH was behind steering us in the direction we needed to travel . I had a lot of laughter and squeals as I enjoyed riding the waves while DH seemed to be enjoying hitting rapids that produced even more laughter and squeals from me.

Then I started to overhear the guides talking about needing to stop to “regroup “ before the last rapid before we get to camp for the night . The head guide was giving instructions to the order guides who were rating the order boats.

I started to feel a bubble of worry rising within me as I observed them “plotting“ from our Duckie. So I asked the female guide what they were “plotting “ but her only response was “ it’ll be fun” with a coy smile and a shoulder shrug that I immediately interpreted as a way to calm my nerves.

So I sat back focusing on my rowing to provide the power for our raft while encouraging , okay maybe warning him, DH to steer us safely.

On white water rafting trips, the thing is you can hear the rumbles of the rapids before you even see them, so the suspense is real and palpable!

The guides had given us very specific instructions before that last rapid to avoid the left side at a particular point “ no matter what”.

Apparently that spot on the river has a “ hole “ that people can literally get sucked under into a vortex that seems like a washing machine cycle that is hard to escape from.

So off we go with DH maneuvering our way through the rapids . At the start I felt DH and I working well together and I clearly was trusting him with my life in those moments more than ever .Oh , did I mention that I am not a strong swimmer? Like at all!

Things seemed to be going well until BOOM! … I feel myself get knocked off the Duckie from the side and I went under the water for what felt like A LONG QUIET EERIE TIME.

I popped up again briefly again only to be hit in the head by the same Duckie. That was actually my saving grace as I grabbed on for dear life while my feet dangled in the rushing water.

Let me back up a sec to say that I actually began praying in my mind once I felt me worrying about the upcoming rapid as I was observing the guide prepping.

Psalm 23 was on my mind and I thought about God’s protection of us as we go through “ raging waters”. Those rapids definitely were raging waters😏

God had allowed me to hold on to that Duckie and then I realized too that DH had managed to stay on the Duckie the whole time. This was a double lucky blessing 1) DH was safe 2) DH was able to continue steering the Duckie so I just had to keep holding on to it since I was no strong swimmer.

Truth is I somehow managed to stay calm throughout the raft accident.

I believe it was purely the Holy Spirit that accompanied and encouraged me in those moments when I was under water or struggling to get a hold of that Duckie.

Ofcourse our Duckie accident caused some panic with our children and friends watching as all of this took place. I had lost a water shoe in all the chaos but can you believe one of the other boaters somehow found my shoe and we reunited post Duckie drama.

Shortly after the ordeal we made it to camp for the night and I was mostly quiet and reflective., probably still in shock from all that had transpired.

Nonetheless , the hugs with my children, DH and time spent at camp friends somehow held more value that evening because being alive felt like SUCH a gift!

Have you had a time when you felt you were close to loosing your life? What thoughts did your mind entertain?

As always, thank you for reading my blog and of course I welcome your comments and any shared experiences .

Click on the “follow” icon, so you can get notifications on future blog posts via email and not miss out !💕

RED SPORTS CAR

January 30, 2023January 31, 2023 MindMuser MD

1988 , “Ulo Nna” on Hospital Road, Aba, (old) Imo State was notorious for nostalgia and action .

Amidst all that trading action in Aba, sat our family (city) home.

There was never a dull moment on those streets of this bustling traders’ town in the eastern region of Nigeria.

Aba’s warm tropical breeze was stifled with the fumes from the engine exhausts of automobiles crowding the roads of this commercial city’s hustle and bustles.

Aba Ngwa! Is NOT a city for “mugus”(fools)

You have to be very “sharp” to inhabit this land and the children of Aba seem to be packed full of street smarts, straight from their mothers’ wombs.

My grandfather “Nna” was one of the first settlers from our village into Aba township, therefore he had choice property in the heart of the city’s trading posts- on Hospital road.

The house had been passed down to our father from our paternal grandfather Stephen , who moved from the rural village to this trading town Aba ,after becoming one of the first converts to Christianity , in order to pursue and expand his business.

The property on Hospital was really a “watering hole” for our family and so many others. The fronts of the yard were trading stores while the back of the building served as residence for our family and numerous relatives. There were several apartments but all shared a common “ yard” so everyone could easily be in everyone else’ business 😂

Relatives and family friends lived there until they were able to transition successfully to their own homes.

Hospital road had a buzz to it, with trading shops cramped next to eachother. There was always music blaring from record stores, cars honking in traffic and loud jocular conversations amongst traders.

Everyone seemed to always be in huge hurry in this West African town.

**71 hospital road,Aba pic courtesy of ILO**

The businesses were housed in “ sheds” which comprised of wooden stalls with brilliant artisans making incredible innovative goods for sale , automotive parts traders, import and export sheds, talented tailors creating traditional clothing while others were expert “okirika” traders **

There were always SO many varieties at the markets! A day spent at the local Ariaria market never disappointed, showcasing human interactions depicting life lessons in courage, resilience,humor , love and rivalry.

My Older brother would entertain for hours with these Ariaria market stories.

Most Aba roads were heavily crowded and there was a distinct smell of commercialism or maybe it was just those fumes from the over used , poorly constructed and maintained gutter drainage systems…eww!

Traders lined every street corners, forcefully hassling passersby to purchase this or that from them . Everywhere you looked some one was selling something!

Only very few areas in Aba attempted to prioritize residential plots. We felt lucky to have cousins in those suburbs. The irony is that we each likely fantasized about trading living spaces with one another, at times. The quiet of the suburbs with its’ loneliness and less mosquitoes, competed against the excitement of those crowded trading streets of Aba.

Living in these commercialized areas meant close interactions with loud mouthed traders. It was not unusual for traders to audaciously comment on outfit choices of passersby, at times cat calling the pretty women or detesting others inappropriately dressed asking them ,who exactly allowed them out of their gates that morning .

Some of these unsolicited comments were harsh and could cut deep into ones self esteem, while others were so complimentary that your ego swelled bigger than an ishi aki**

My sister and I are seven and nine year olds with neatly braided tight cornrows on our hair. Our younger brother, a boisterous five year old who was obsessed with the newest Mike Tyson haircut style would beg our mother to allow him to get same at the barber shop.

Our father had a never exhausting fountain of energy and fun stored within him. Dad always found a way to literally infuse FUN into even the most mundane activities. It was no surprise that he would offer us a JOYRIDE in his old red fiat convertible which we all fondly called “ THE SPORTS CAR” .

**Dad with another red sports car – New Orleans 2012**

Sports car was only driven on special occasions.

We especially enjoyed the ride when we were all piled high ,rooftop down, standing room only , as many cousins and siblings as could possibly pack into the small convertible.

Then it was showtime….let the fun and joyous screams commence!

We took the joyrides at dusk when the blazing warmth of the sun was gone , and took with it all those loud mouthed traders whose shops were now closed for the day’s hustle. The crowded streets became empty and creepily quiet.

Dad would thrill us with the car ride revving up his engine every once in a while, our hair tossing in the wind, specs of sand from the tarred road peppered our laughing faces as we held onto for our dear sweet life.

On some occasions, Dad gave permission for our driver DeePee to ride us around. Dee Pee drove EVEN faster😅

Life seemed so carefree back then as if it contained no real problems.

Now as I reminisce on these sweet carefree memories, I am forced to appreciate the imminent passage of time.

I am grateful to have had joyrides in the red sports car, for that patriarchal home on hospital road with its hustling neighborhood that help toughen my skin and has in turn made me more resilient.

However, you know what I’m MOST appreciative of ?…..my FAMILY – close and distant relatives whose lives have enriched my life and have contributed tremendously to these BELOVED memories 💕

Which sweet memories of your childhood do you have to share?

As always, thank you for reading my blog and of course I welcome your comments and any shared experiences .

Find and click on the “follow” icon, so you can get notifications on future blog posts via email and not miss out !💕

** okirika ( used clothing mostly from European countries for sale)

**ishi aki ( a large African fruit)