There were moments of joy watching our daughters perform liturgical dance while bringing the blessed oils into the sanctuary .
There were also somber moments reflecting on Jesus’ agony in the garden of Gethsemane and the last hours of his life.
Experiencing my favorite liturgy this year while grieving the loss of my earthly father opened up more spaces of vulnerability for me.
There are holes in my heart this year as I miss gathering with all of my loved ones.
Hearing our priest remind us that the oil of catechumens , oil of sacraments including the oil anointing of the sick “was blessed this morning at the cathedral by the bishop and about 125 priests”. He reminded us that the blessing of this oil is done yearly on this day, and could be used to anoint any of us members of the church in the coming year.
It is a good yet hard reminder of our human mortality and fragility.
A good reminder to live a life of love and no regret.
Tonight we wash each other’s feet just like Jesus washed his disciples.
There were so many beautiful moments just sitting to appreciate families , friends and perhaps strangers washing each other’s feet tonight. I have to give credit to our family friend who spontaneously captured these photos of our family for us during the act of feet washing… thank you Tom!
A beautiful symbolic act of love, humility and service.
We were challenged to reflect on whose feet we’ve washed or who have washed our own feet lately?
I can think of so many who have been of help and service to me in these past six months of grieving the loss of my father.
I will be forever grateful to all of those who have helped unburden me, in one or another.
Thank you.
This particular day of liturgy can be emotionally heavy. My grieving heart allowed it to weight tons more tonight.
I missed my Dad and yet grateful that he helped mold my Catholic faith – an endless gift indeed.
Attending the beginning of this year’s Easter triduum with our crew of almost all four teenagers ( 15yrs, 13yrs, 13 yrs and 12yrs) is also humbling .
This year, DH and I thought it best if we allowed each of the children to pick whose feet in our family they wanted to wash, as an act of love, humility, forgiveness, service .
I am sure you can relate that some feet are “ easier” or “ harder “to wash depending on the day.
Let’s just say that deciding whose feet one chooses to wash should allow us to be more speculative.
As a mother of four ( almost) teenagers, I don’t always feel like I’m crushing the “super mom playbook.”
Therefore, tonight with my heavy heart, I choose to wash your feet out of love ,humility and service.
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In every season give thanks – 1 Thessalonians 5:18
This season of my life has been hard.
I have been challenged by loss and grief.
Waking up to my First thanksgiving without my father physically present on earth is TOUGH!
To say I miss you is such an understatement 💔
Arrival hugs the day before thanksgiving day 2021
I no longer have the casual opportunity to physically express my gratitude to him with my words, a hug,a plate of yummy thanksgiving cooking, or jocular conversations shared on a thanksgiving morning family walk on the trail to Stacy Parks.
Arrival hugs the day before thanksgiving day 2021Thanksgiving day family walk 2021Thanksgiving day 2021
My thoughts wonder deeply into an existential plane… What does your view from heaven look like now? Are you gathered in heaven with your parents and other family members enjoying great laughs with the communion of saints? Is food even a thing in heaven?
Now your image mostly exists in my mind and my heart. Your eyes always so full of love and I only imagine that this love is intensified from heaven now .
Therefore your love goes on.. even in death.
I am choosing to give thanks to God for this love and all the manifestations of that love in my life .
You see , because my Dad loved so freely, he also accepted and gave so freely this love.
My dad’s love and acceptance of my DH , despite our cultural differences, while some Naija parents would have given a side eye to an interracial marriage and therefore blocked blessings – he did not, and not only welcomed my DH with open arms but supported our union true and true.
Thanksgiving day 2021
This gift of love and acceptance has therefore abounded exponentially in my life in so many angles.
Kids table Thanksgiving Day 2021
Wherever I look I can see the manifestation of love in my life .
I see it in you my DH, I see it in my children, I see in my mother and siblings, I see it in my wonderful Oma and Opa and extended family and in laws, I see it in my Dedes and my Dadas, I see it in my cousins and their children, i see it in my dog Teddy, I see it in my sweet friends , I see it in my HOLLA group, I see it in my WOW group , I see it in my work and the ability to provide mental health services to those in need, I see it in the opportunity to be living in a beautiful country with my roots extended from the great continent of Africa.
Hanging out on thanksgiving day 2021
I see it in you ,my readers and I am grateful.
So yes, it’s a bittersweet thanksgiving , however I can still see so clearly the many reasons to give thanks.
I hope that you can look around you and your own unique circumstances and see reasons to be THANKFUL♥️🙏🏾
❤️
As always, thank you for reading my blog and of course I welcome your comments and any shared experiences .
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It’s been one month and 8 days since I lost my earthily father Godwin Chukwuma Ogbuokiri . It feels like it had been a time warp characterizing both the longest and the shortest time period in my life.
Carving my Dad’s name into the rocks during our family hike through the Narrows at Zion National Park this weekend ♥️
The truth is most days I still cry from missing my Dad. I have since returned to practicing child and adult psychiatry, and ofcourse my job is centered on improving others’ mental wellbeing.
There are days my passion to help others fortifies me in those moments that I sit across from my ailing patients.
Then there days that I find others’ sadness and loss impacting mine – like hitting a healing scab and causing it to hurt perhaps even causing it to bleed all over again.
The truth is it’s not just in my practice that I am reminded of my loss , it ‘s literally everywhere!
Something happy happens and I immediately think “ oh I can’t wait to call and tell Dad”.
With GrandBaby♥️Wearing the Chosen “People Must Know” sweatshirt ♥️Wearing the Chosen “ People Must Know” sweatshirt ♥️
I get a condolence call from a less than familiar family friend , then I wish I could call my Dad to give me more context on that relationship, who’s that “ uncle “ again? Where do they live etc etc.
I am not sure whether these moments of longing to have conversations with my Dad will diminish with time or not , I just know that they take me by surprise and shock me right back into my reality- the one where I have lost my precious Dad to the ages💔
There have been comforting moments too , these moments that I am choosing to call “GOD (WIN) moments”.
These bring a loving thought , or a humorous memory to mind that automatically spreads a smile across my lips.
In those moments , not only am I reminded that he lived and loved us fully, but that his spirit is now with God and guiding us forevermore.
Some of these GOD(WIN) moments may feel like mere coincidences, however because I believe in the communion of saints – I know better.
Interestingly, whenever I experience a GOD(WIN) moment , I try to stamp it in reality by taking a picture, or having a conversation about it in real time with those around me. This helps me acknowledge what I am experiencing in real time and give it some level of validation.
You may be wondering what exactly are some of these GOD(WIN) moments? Well I will share a few…
The first time I had a real assurance that my Dad crossed over to paradise , occurred the morning after his death. DH * and I had changed our original travel plans and instead made a trip on that fateful Thursday to New Orleans- part of our plan to spend our wedding anniversary with my parents .
DH * made reservations at a hotel with a balcony in the New Orleans French quarters , which meant music poured out of the streets. At first our arrival into this business as usual part of town felt awkward… I had just lost my most precious father and life seemed to be moving on, as if the strangers on bourbon street were so clueless to my biggest loss.
We arrived back to our hotel after visiting my mother and siblings at the extended stay place where my Dad spent his last 10 days post discharge recovering , or at least so we thought, until he went for a routine PCP visit , had to be called back frantically to return to the ER for a ridiculously elevated white count, ended up in the ER, finally gets admitted, only to aspirate , get transferred to the ICU where he continued the fight for his life for almost 6 hrs before he gave up his spirit at around 9:15 am on 9.15.22.
If there ever was a good day to die , I suppose this might be it.
That day also happened to be the feast of Our Lady of Sorrows day. Significant for the Catholic feast day celebrating when Mary received the body of her son Jesus from the cross.
I just wasn’t quite ready to loose my wonderful father. However I was grateful that our Lady will also bring home my Dad to heaven on her feast day🙏🏾.
Recently discovering my very first statue of Our Lady of Sorrows in my bag MONTHS after I purchased it while on last summer’s vacation.
Dad didn’t wait for DH * and I to get to New Orleans.
Anyways, as DH * and I tried to settle in that first night on New Orleans , I heard a knock on the door . I exhaustedly wondered who could be knocking this late at night.?
Too tired to bother, I fell asleep exhausted in my day clothes ( a very unusual thing for me to sleep in my day clothes)
The music outside the balcony had eventually stopped close to midnight and did not start up again until the next morning.
As I peered my eyes open to the world and the new day, my thoughts wondered which reality I was waking up into, the one where I still had my lovely Dad or the one where I was now fatherless? 💔
Just on cue, one of my favorite songs came on loud over the street speakers. The song is called “ what’s up ? , by 4 non blonds”
Still laying on that bed , I began to tear up again.
Then there was this feeling of nostalgia – reminding me of my childhood days in my patriarchal home in Aba- Nigeria where I grew up on Hospital Road .
In that house, situated in a busy African street, early morning vendors greeted the new day with their loud music, as they opened their stores with songs like “ Good morning Jesus, good morning Lord”🎤
I immediately had this feeling that my Dad’s spirit was sending me reminders of my childhood days.
I cried some more.
Still laying in bed in my pool of tears , I Immediately began telling my DH * about this nostalgic feeling about my Aba home.
As I spoke , I saw DH have a puzzled look on his face , and asked me if I heard a knock on the door, before I could answer he opens the hotel door , looks up and down both hallways- no one!
“Hmm”, he exclaims and returns to sit next to me in bed.
Then as if on cue again , one of the all time love songs Celine Dion’s “ My heart will go on” from the Titanic begins to blare over those street speakers – near and far where you are , I believe that the heart does go on…🎤DH and I look at each other and in that instant it was clear , these specifically chosen songs were not just coincidental , Dad was giving us a message!
That song was very dear to my DH *for an entirely different reason …
I knew in that instant that my “ rascal Angel Dad“ just made it into heaven!!! He likely just rejoiced with Saint Peter who opened the gates of heaven to him, met up with his favorite saint St Rita , and his music loving self just found out where Heaven’s radio station was and was already requesting specific broadcasts for us to give us comfort, reassurance and yes a healthy dose of missing you tears.
Those early morning tears were cleansing. For me, they were a reminder of the communion of saints, a corridor open to believers, reassuring us that our blessed loved ones can still love on us from beyond this life.
There has been numerous other GOD(WIN)
Incidentally, my sister and her husband also had a lovely message sent to them once they landed in New Orleans on that same day that our Dad crossed into eternity.
Coincidentally found my Dad’s hat in our ole mini van on the way to the airport to go hike the narrows this weekend
Wearing Dad’s “EST 1939” hat in his honor
Theirs was in the form of an evangelical Uber driver who provided them support on their ride from the airport .
That evening , they told us the story of the stranger who not only was their Uber driver but also a gospel musician , complete with a record deal signed by an even more famous gospel musician , who coincidentally plays concerts in Nigeria of ALL places , oh and by the way lives an hour away from New Orleans but just enjoys driving Uber in Nawlins in order to meet people…. Coincidence ? Or a GOD(WIN) moment? …. You get to decide!
I am choosing to keep my spirit enlightened by the HOLY SPIRIT to receive ALL that God is sending my way these days , especially in my time of grief and sorrow .
My brother’s revolving picture coincidentally stuck on this pic of Dad for most of the morning one day 🙏🏾♥️
This weekend we were led to leave the hustle behind and hike almost 20 miles with our children through the Canyons of the Narrows at Zion National Park.
My legs may be exhausted but my spirit of adventure and tenacity is refueled!
DH and I hiking the narrows a second time , this time with our Four Loves💕
God knows what my soul needs and I am grateful he is feeding my soul to bring me healing and strength 🙏🏾
On this trip , we also got to see the Michael Jackson ONE show as a reward after our long hike !
Seeing Michael Jackson One Show in Vegas♥️Seeing Michael Jackson One Show in Vegas
Finally, there was also one more special coincidence this weekend that allowed for an unexpected reunion with dear friends from my high school , who happened to be in Las Vegas this weekend and seeing and hugging them brought my heart JOY.
I grew up in Aba with this dear friend💕Meeting our Nigerian/Canadian friends Hiking and camping at the narrows with my loves 💕Hiking and camping the Narrows with my loves
As always, thank you for reading my blog and of course I welcome your comments and any shared experiences .
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I am writing through my deepest grief … I have lost my father of 83yrs to the ages💔.
God called him home on the feast of our Lady of Sorrows ( the day the Catholic Church celebrates Jesus mother Mary receiving the body of her son from the cross)
I have lost the one whose existence added sauce to my life . Now the world seemed more bland without him.
Dad absolutely giddy at receiving this gift of a T-shirt on his 80th birthday ♥️
DH*and I landed in New Orleans airport on that day that he was called home to God. Even the air seemed to stale and lack spice. It was like being given food without any salt.
Typically, our landing at Louis Armstrong Airport is filled with the anticipation for a wonderful family reunion , with my Dad at the center of all the excitements.
My Dad knew how to take his job as a great fun father and grandfather seriously.
Dallas Texas
We called him “Chief” and he was regal in so many ways even though he was also the most humble human I ever met…
Our family trips to New Orleans were filled with Chief planning this or that, all in an effort to ensure that WE all had the very best times! They were organized bus tours , just because- with his clinic staff as our make shift bus driver lol, nighttime boat cruise on the Mississippi River with all his grandchildren, catered local Cajun cuisine at thanksgiving, tourist tours to visit the alligators in the swamps of New Orleans, big fun parties thrown in their home just to welcome their first grandchild, or parties just in celebration of his family coming home.
Every visit to New Orleans was memorable and filled with JOY! .
New Orleans with grandchildren Dallas with grandchildren Washington DC with family Touring Washington DC with grandchildren Breakfast in Eziachi Nigeria with grandkids 50th wedding anniversary/80th birthday party celebration in New Orleans South Africa visit with grandchildren Capetown South Africa with grandchildren Twins’ First holy communion St. Louis Memorial Day vacation with family, Florida may 2022Visiting him at Downman Urgent Care Clinic- a place he absolutely loved and gave his life’s work as a physician Owerri with grandkidsWith his beloved sons in-law
My Dad was truly the bagpiper , always finding tunes to bring us Joy and we , his children and grandchildren enjoyed dancing to the tunes of the pure joy he brought us.
My Dad seemed to have life’s manual in hand- and he lived to the fullest! My mother now reminisces on how it was not unusual that they are the last ones on any dance floor. I always loved how easy going my father was, he fit nicely into ANY room, and always had the right words and mannerisms at ANY time. If there was a cramped car during our full family gatherings, he would volunteer to be the adult sitting in the back of the minivan with the kids, just so everyone can fit for the ride to church or wherever.
Chief was adventurous and carpe diem*ed) the heck outta life .
Dad and I , New OrleansDancing completions you daughter Ginika
At 19 yrs old, he left the comfort and familiarity of his homeland in Nigeria, to land on the American shores after he had been awarded a scholarship geared to attract brilliant African minds to the USA in the 1960s.
He embraced his new land and thrived, becoming a surgeon, marrying his bride from his homeland, becoming a father and grandfather , a cultured man, a philanthropist, an author , a man of God and friend to so many.
Dallas 2021
Now, I find myself waking up each morning to the reality that he is no longer with us in the physical form. The pain is so real in numerous moments of the day, when I reach for my phone to make a call to tell him of this experience or the next, only to be reminded of the rude reality that he is gone.
Mexico with grandchildren
Even if he lived another 100 yrs it will not feel like enough, because he embodied so much Love. However, I also know that he was only a gift from God and has returned to the giver of life. Indeed we are all on borrowed time.
A reminder to make the most of our lives on earth.
The condolences keeps pouring in and I often find myself consoling tears on the other phone line.
So many stories of people whose lives he touched, as a physician, an Uncle, a mentor, a friend etc etc.
Celebrating a surprise birthday gathering for him at his clinicMardi Gras New Orleans
Now there are the moments that I now choose to call “God-Win” moments where I am convinced of his reunion with the communion of saints and smiling down on me. I am so grateful that I have so many wonderful “ make you smile” memories of my father. Those are my gifts to hold on to now and I hope to keep these always.
I see him in the legacy of his family , his children and grandchildren. He hasn’t left us completely, because his spirit and legacy are alive in us.
The other day, I had a God win moment as I dropped off one of my twins to football practice ( DH dropped the other twin as we always divide and conquer with this parenting gig)…
Anyways as I watched one of our twin walk away from the car in his football gear looking so grown up , hair flowing and handsome, this thought came to my mind and literally spoke out loud to myself – “Well Dad , there goes YOUR legacy “and that was comforting.
Thanksgiving New Orleans Mexico
The reality is that OUR big Iroko tree who was our healthy , never sick , never demanding has indeed fallen, and all the cover and protection is lifted and we , his mourners are feeling the lack of shade and comfort that this giant of a man provided us all.
We must now try and readjust to our new reality without his strong protection , along with the wonderful qualities that his life added to give our life more sauce, making life so much more sweeter.
Thankfully I am consoled with the belief and reminder that he is now in the communion of saints and will keep his love and care on us now from heaven – for all eternity.
Even in death he keeps blessing us 🙏🏾♥️
Capetown South Africa
Joining the club of those who have lost a parent is such a hard club to be belong to now. Especially when you had an amazing father like I have had all my life . I am now choosing to mourn him while remembering to honor his legacy in those that I have left .
Pastor TD Jakes talks about “ strengthening what remains”even in losses. I am choosing to do just that one day at a time . My tears will flow and at times stain my face, but I will choose to love all that remains , in the example that my father has given me throughout his life .
In my Igbo custom, I was the reincarnation of my father’s mother and so he called me his “ Mama Janet”. A term that has always been endearing and also allowed me space to share so much humor with him, as I would in our later years teasingly call him “ Odi ishi okpukpu” like his sisters nicknamed him.
Dog lover all his life Florida with grandchildren Rollercoaster with grandson at almost 80yrs!Hanging out with Chief St Louis
I am so grateful that we really shared So much laughter and fun together. Chief inspired so many and in his presence, he had a way of making you feel seen, like YOU mattered.
Thank you Dad for always SEEING me I will forever be grateful for your love ❤️
Poet and philosopher Kahlil Gibran says, “To live in the hearts of others is not to die”.
Rest in God Chief Omenka, my dearest father🙏🏾♥️
New Orleans LaLagos , NigeriaAPA conference with his best friend/brother in Law, Atlanta Georgia.Our wedding 2005My father daughter dance at our wedding Seregenti, Tanzania With his son, Nigeria.Buffalo, New YorkTree house, St LouisSt Louis MOEnjoying simple things in life like this ice cream cone on the beaches of Anna Maria island Adieu Chief Omenka🙏🏾♥️
Have you ever heard the saying “ it smells like rain?”
I always wondered what exactly “it” smells like? Those who say that they can smell the incoming rain usually state it with some confidence in their knowing.
Typically they don’t give a precise description of the smell of incoming rain except to say “yup! It sure smells like rain”
It would be nice if the storms of our lives came with warnings in the form of a fragrance or perhaps an alarm. This will help us prepare for the changes of new season in our lives.
Not every change of season is to be feared. Some changes of season are welcomed for the endings that they bring and the new beginnings they usher in.
In life, change is inevitable. A wise man once said that the only thing constant about life is change.
Nonetheless change can be hard. We are creatures of habit and we thrive on predictability.
While we are always undergoing changes , some changes of seasons are more impactful than others.
Going through changes in our lives and the lives of those we love can be OH So bitter sweet.
There are joys in the new seasons but there are also challenges and hardships with having to make ANY change.
As the fall winds begin to enter the Midwest American atmosphere, I too notice the changes in my own life.
I am watching my young children become teenagers who are now sparing with their hugs from time to time. Distant are the days of their toddler selves , physically clinging on to my arms ( and even legs) for security.
Their growth is beautiful to see, but they are also growing into their own independent lives.
In addition, I am also watching my dear parents, now grandparents beginning to age and need more care.
Spending the past week with my parents in New Orleans, was a stark reminder of these winds of change.
Is this what they mean by the “sandwich generation”?
My family, parents and my parents in law at our twins’ holy communion celebration.
I don’t know what the new season of life will bring however I am hopeful. Hopeful that I am equipped with all the grace I need to triumph through this season of change.
Gratefully, I don’t walk this path of change alone, and will not take for granted, the many loved ones I have , on this journey of life .
All of your support have been highlighting the blessings of God in this season of change.
As always, thank you for reading my blog and of course I welcome your comments and any shared experiences .
Have you had to care for your aging parents while raising your own children? Do you have any advice for managing these sandwich generation years?
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MindMuse 